Lately I have been feeling – oh how do I put it – left behind?
I know this is silly because I have done my fair share of leaving. I have left friendships. Relationships. Moved away. Quit jobs. But this time I am the one feeling like everyone is leaving me behind.
My best friend moved across the country last year. It was for the best. She has a job in the field she wants. She has the chance for a real future. But I miss her. I miss her being just a few hours away where we could visit one another on a random weekend. I hate that we have a three hour time difference between us, so we can’t even organize our “quality Netflix time” together like we used to some evenings. I hate that our lives seem so different now that we have nothing substantial to talk about, so our conversations are quick and become fewer and fewer.
For years I had a friend who worked the night shift. It was a job he hated, but it was awesome for me because when I woke up early for work, I had someone to talk to while I was getting ready. It felt as though I wasn’t alone – even though I was alone in my apartment. He has worked hard to finally get a job that he can feel proud about – one he went to school for – one that gives him a chance to be close to his girlfriend, live on his own, and truly start his life. I am so happy for him, but I miss him. I miss the hours we would spend throughout the day texting and telling one another every little detail about our day. (Okay – mainly I did the talking about every little detail because I’m a chick.) Now his job doesn’t allow for electronics, and his life is changing, and it’s new and exciting and I’m so happy and proud. But I miss him.
Most of my friends and family are married, getting married, having babies, buying houses. You know – settling down. I’m over here taking in stray kittens that I find shivering and cowering in the engine of my car. It seems as though my cat posse is growing…
It sounds incredibly selfish of me because I was lucky enough to get a job in my field about a year out of college. I have been able to move and take jobs in other towns and states. I have left friends and moved further away, disrupting rituals that I have grown to miss so much. But I’m 30 now – and I’m beginning to wonder – have I squandered a lot of time just displacing myself and sweeping opportunities under my bed for fear of commitment?
I don’t necessarily feel like my friends and family are leaving me behind. I feel like life is leaving me behind…