I seem to have this problem. A problem I can’t fix – or refuse to fix. I could fix it. I see it coming like a hurricane, but for some reason instead of packing my bags and evacuating, I stay and try to weather the storm. Actually – I am the storm.
I am a woman. I am a talker (writer). I feel the need to express every opinion, fear, anxiety, etc. that I have, and I feel the need to express it in depth. It doesn’t matter if the person wants to hear or not, I let my mind start with one simple idea or doubt, and then it warps into this massive beast of a storm that I could control, but my mind is so tired…it just allows the storm to continue growing and feeding into the thoughts.
This is how I scare people off. This is how I freak them out. I even annoy myself. In my head, I am telling myself the right and wrong approach, but I can’t get myself to take the RIGHT approach.
Or maybe I self-sabotage? I have been known to do that – not only for good things, but for bad as well. I have this gut feeling, and I sabotage something in order for it not to work out. Maybe I fear getting myself into a situation that I can’t get out of easily, and I would rather take flight early than try to fight my way through it later. (Some would call this “running” away from something, and sometimes good things, but if you knew all of my dark passenger thoughts, you might be happy I self-sabotage some things.)
I wish that I could just assess a situation properly, step back, take a few deep breaths, and then move forward.